tatjna had an interesting (public) post about deviance and secrecy here. In the post she asks a number of very thought provoking questions about why people feel the need to keep deviant behavior (particularly deviant sexual behavior) secret. Now, she's using the term "deviant" literally in terms of it meaning behavior that deviates from the norm. There's a negative connotation to the word that means "what we don't approve of" that I plan to explore in a future post (told you it was thought-provoking).

Now, most of the replies to this question focused on the "other" that is society's potential reaction to deviance, social acceptance, normative behavior, etc. My response was somewhat different...

To me, not discussing or displaying certain aspects of my life is more about privacy than secrecy. I mean, in terms of my life I'm completely open about my religion and sexuality -- I don't deliberately try to hide or obfuscate who I am. However my natural inclination is toward privacy in these matters. I just don't act in ways that would lead someone to think I was "deviant" in any way in public, not because I'm afraid to, or afraid of people's opinions, but because it's simply a private matter. I look very "regular" in person and dress (both when I'm at work AND when I'm out and about) because I have no overwhelming urge to look any other way.

I believe that privacy has value in and of itself, beyond any social pressure or threats or feelings of fear (which can be very real and which I do not discount). Now, I've always been somewhat private, even when I was younger and more involved in being "different" just for difference sake (which is a stage that I think a lot of young people go through). In my opinion, it's better to look normal and actually BE interesting than to look really interesting but actually be completely boring and incapable of independent thought. Being non-conformist simply for the sake of it is giving as much credence and power to dominant society as conforming to it. And many non-conformist groups expect incredible conformity from within their ranks (if you are one of our type of deviant, you must look/dress/act/believe a certain way). You aren't just being yourself, you're acting COUNTER to the current CULTURE... and society's counterculture can be as repressive as any dominant culture. Anyway...

Why choose privacy? Why decide that, however interesting or "deviant" you are, having aspects of your life be private is a GOOD thing? When I was commenting to Tatjna's post, I had a difficult time articulating the value of privacy at first. I felt that it was important, but I didn't know quite why. Here's what I came up with (copied from my comment to her post):

"Something about mystery. Or inner sacred space for understanding yourself and the world. Or a feeling that we actually have so little privacy that we need to hold some things close. The thought that global communication and cultural norming mean that as we get more open, we get more the same. That we have to pull back from a world of too much information in order to be authentically ourselves and not some accidental construct of media and advertising. That useless and even harmful corporate and government memes are often cloaked in the guise of deviance (drink BigCo Cola, because all the deviants are doing it)."

Every time you turn on the TV, you see someone airing their dirty laundry. TMI is rampant and we all seem to willing to share and share and share. But does that act dilute us? When I tell someone about a very powerful dream, it often sounds silly and banal. It's strength lies within me, not in the sharing. What kind of inner world can we have when we open all the doors to ourselves to anyone who comes along?